it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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