Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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