jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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