I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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