the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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