Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize