Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize