I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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