Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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