I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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