you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize