I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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