you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize