Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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