i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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