a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
two words...techno handjob
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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