I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize