she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize