i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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