i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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