I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize