You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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