i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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