we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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