yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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