For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize