According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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