He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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