My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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