theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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