btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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