I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize