Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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