1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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