worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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