Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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