Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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