His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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