My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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