it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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