Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize