we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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