i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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