tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
nutella sex= disaster
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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