He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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