I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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