it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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