Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize