I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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