Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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